11
May
12

The Fear…

What did I do on my first day off since starting the preceptorship? I slept!

Yes, I slept long time. At first I woke up at 5am just to stay on schedule since I work again tomorrow, but then around 8 or so, I thought to myself, “Self? What are you THINKING? Sleep, man! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SLEEP!”

So I slept. Until noon. It was glorious and everything I had dreamt it to be.

The rest of the day was spent doing errands. Nothing special. Except that I saved the world from Insane Hulk (3rd cousin removed from The Hulk).

My face was frozen like this on my first day

So looking back on this week, I think the biggest lesson I learned was to remain positive. Sure, I feel stupid, and sure, I think Justine thinks I’m super-DUPER stupid, but that’s where we all start, isn’t it? How can I know everything and be perfect at everything right NOW? It’s just not going to happen. The best I can do is get better with each shift, so that by the end of the residency, Justine can look at me and think to herself, “I did good.”

*** Mental note: take more notes in your little notebook. That’s why you carry it around, idiot.

The good thing is that I’m not scared anymore. The nervousness is still there, but I’m not scared.

I think all of that fear went away after the second day… after I felt like I got the hang of some things.

The fear just gets kicked out of you, and you have no choice but to go through the whole process of letting that happen.

I’m sure the routine will change tomorrow and with every new patient, but that should be welcome… if it’s the same thing day in, day out, then I would join Insane Hulk and his band of renegades.

So tomorrow is day 4. I’m actually looking forward to it. Yes, a part of me missed that hospital today… I started wondering about my patients and how they were doing… I think I will go visit some of them tomorrow.

Funny like that. After all is said and done, maybe I am made to do this.

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